Emotional De-Escalation: The PAUSE Method
Emotional de-escalation is the ability to regulate your emotional state in tense situations or when you feel overwhelmed by anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety. In other words, emotional de-escalation is all about learning how to calm down by using healthy tools! One of these healthy emotional regulation tools is called the PAUSE method. Read on to learn more about this method and how to use it.
Pay attention to my body, thoughts, and feelings: When you notice you’re in an intense emotional state, pause and ask yourself what you are experiencing. Is your heart rate elevated, or is your stomach in knots? What specific thoughts are you having? Can you name the emotion you are feeling?
Example: My family member just insulted my career choice at a gathering, and I’m feeling hurt and angry. My face feels flushed, my heart is beating fast, and I’m thinking “they are so mean” and “maybe everyone agrees with them.”
Assess what is activating me: Ask yourself what has triggered this reaction in you. Are you feeling ignored, misunderstood, or disrespected, for example? Are there any other factors that could be causing your reaction, such as recent stress levels, hunger, or exhaustion?
Example: I’m feeling disrespected, and it’s not helping that I’ve been so busy recently that my sleep schedule has been suffering.
Understand the roots of my emotions: Now that you’ve identified what you’re feeling, ask yourself to dig deeper and attempt to understand why you’ve reacted this way. Maybe the situation violated your values, or maybe you’re frustrated because you are out of control.
Example: I think I’m feeling so upset because my family member violated my values of independence and respect. My career choice may not be for everyone, but I feel that I’m doing good work and I deserve respect for what I do.
Safely separate: If you’re too upset to respond thoughtfully, then it’s best to step away and revisit the situation at a later time. Identify a better time to work with the problem. Set the boundary with yourself that you won’t engage when you’re emotionally escalated.
Example: When I’m upset like this, it isn’t smart to bite back. After this gathering, though, I’ll think about respectful but pointed comebacks I can use if they make a similar comment again.
Empathize with those involved: There’s two sides to every story, and everyone deserves respect. Challenge yourself to empathize with the other people in the situation and understand where they are coming from.
Example: I know that they have a different perspective and have different values than me, and they probably just want to feel like they’re helping. I still think they were wrong to make that comment, but it probably wasn’t made purely out of cruelty.
We suggest saving this blog to try out this method the next time you feel overwhelmed by your emotions. Being able to de-escalate is a super important skill for your mental and physical health - stress and strong emotions take a toll on the body, too! If you’re struggling with regulating your emotions and find tools like these just don’t do the trick, it may be time to seek professional counseling. An experienced therapist at AWC can help you learn how to de-escalate powerful emotions, understand where they are coming from, and improve your social skills and relationships.
References
Whole + Happy & Healed Counseling Clinic [@whole_happy_healed]. (2024, October 30). “Emotional de-escalation is a process that reduces heightened emotions, especially in tense or conflictual situations, to prevent escalation into more intense” [Photograph]. Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/DBv-Q8dtWAg/
