6 Ways You Might Be Sabotaging Yourself
Oftentimes, we are our own worst enemies. Lack of belief in yourself, fear of the unknown, and many other hurdles can stand in your way of achieving your goals and living a happy, authentic life. Read on to learn about six common ways in which you might be sabotaging your own happiness and how they can be addressed.
Avoiding Your Emotions: Everyone has to avoid painful emotions sometimes to make it through the demands of the day, but constantly suppressing emotions or avoiding them with distractions is an unhealthy way to cope. As Freud said, suppressed emotions don’t go away, but they do come back in uglier ways. Set aside time to journal, meditate, walk, or do whatever you have to do to give yourself the safe space to feel your emotions.
People-Pleasing: People-pleasing looks like saying yes to others even when you don’t want to, overextending yourself in service of others, and other ways in which people sacrifice themselves in hopes that others will like them. If you people-please, not only are you taking on way more work than you have to, but you are also robbing yourself and others of the opportunity to get to know the real you. Would you rather everyone like the sanitized, fake, you, or have a few good people love the real you?
Self-Criticism: Our inner critic can be vicious, pointing out our insecurities, bringing back painful memories from the past, and beating us up for mistakes. As much as you can, try not to take what this voice says as fact. We all have a critic inside of us, and sometimes this critic can tell us important information. Most of the time, though, it’s a good idea to notice what the critic says, then tell him/her that you will be fine without their input, thank you very much.
Staying in Bad Relationships: Many people stay in bad relationships because they fear what life would be like being single or fear that nobody else will love them. However, staying in that bad relationship is denying yourself and your partner the opportunity to find their true match, and keeping a dead or dying relationship alive is unnecessarily painful for both parties.
Downplaying your Success: Many people, women especially, tend to downplay their accomplishments and titles because they fear being perceived as full of oneself, but promoting yourself is necessary to build a strong career and get the jobs and pay you deserve. Do we see men downplaying their degrees and accomplishments? No! Then why should you?
Assuming the Worst: Maybe you don’t approach that cute person at the bar because you assume you’ll be rejected, or you don’t start that new project because you assume you’ll fail or give up eventually. This is self-sabotage at its finest! To succeed, we have to try. Failure is a normal part of the process, and nothing to be afraid of.
If you recognize yourself in this list, it might be time to examine how you might become a better ally to yourself and your goals. After all, we are the author of our own life, story, and experiences! If you are struggling with self-sabotage and a lack of confidence, counseling can help you build your self-esteem and learn better ways of coping. Looking for an experienced therapist in Shelby Twp, MI? Call AWC today at (248) 413 - 5865.
References
Nawal Mustafa [@thebraincoach]. (2024, October 15). “Self-rejection is a coping mechanism where we undermine our own worth and potential because of a heightened concern about external judgment or rejection [Photograph]. Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/DBJ77w6S3YT/
