5 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse in Relationships
Emotional abuse refers to behaviors and words someone uses to intentionally cause harm and exert power over you. Sadly, everyone knows the signs of physical abuse, but emotional abuse can be subtle and hard to detect. Abuse may happen only once, but more often, emotional abusers exhibit a pattern of harmful behavior. If you’re at the point where you are questioning if you are being emotionally abused, chances are, there probably is something wrong. As you read this list of common signs and patterns of emotional abuse, ask yourself if you have experienced a version of any of them.
Constant Criticism and Shaming: A healthy relationship involves respectfully airing your grievances and asking your partner to improve, but it’s unhealthy for your partner to constantly criticize you. This may constitute emotional abuse, especially if the criticism has to do with who you are as a person and you receive very little positive feedback overall. Critical comments that make you feel ashamed, such as intentionally rubbing in an insecurity of yours, are also typical of emotional abuse.
Monitoring and Accusing: Many emotional abusers closely guard and monitor their partners. This may look like constantly going through your phone, blowing up your phone demanding your location, and constantly accusing you of infidelity. Their monitoring of you may make you reluctant or even afraid to leave the house alone or talk to friends. This type of behavior is never normal in a relationship and should be taken seriously, as it can isolate you from friends and family who can help you.
Love Bombing and Breadcrumbing: This term refers to a pattern where an abuser showers you with love and affection at first, often progressing the relationship quickly and declaring their love, then as the relationship progresses, they withdraw and may lash out at you. As this roller coaster continues, the abuser hopes to keep their partner dependent upon their affection and walking on eggshells lest they trigger a withdrawal.
Everything Revolves Around Them: Tiptoeing around your partner in an attempt to avoid their emotions and reactions isn’t normal. In a healthy relationship, both people’s needs, wants, and feelings should be equal.
You Show Signs of Abuse: In an emotionally abusive relationship, you might feel: like you’re walking on eggshells, anxious or fearful about your partner, confused about what’s going on or where you stand, preoccupied by your relationship and struggle to focus on other things, and/or feel reduced self-esteem. All these signs point toward potential emotional abuse.
Although some degree of conflict and turmoil is to be expected in every relationship, ongoing patterns of hurtful behavior may be considered emotional abuse. If you believe you are being emotionally abused, it’s important to know that you are not alone. It may help to talk to a therapist who can help you work through your feelings and provide tools and resources for your situation. You may also consider calling the Michigan Domestic Violence Hotline at 866-DIV and if this is an emergency, dial 911.
References
Gillette, H. (2022, February 7). Are you experiencing emotional abuse and not aware of it? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/emotional-abuse-signs#what-to-do
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